First off, I just want to thank you all so much for your encouraging emails, messages, and comments over the past few days…the support for this song has been overwhelming, and I’m truly humbled that God can use a simple song like this to make such a powerful impact on people’s lives. Many of you have asked that I post the lyrics and explain the song in greater detail, so here goes.
A few months ago, I had the opportunity to spend some time with a couple who my girlfriend refers to as her “American grandparents.” Having known this couple for a few years now, I can say that John and Carol are two of the warmest people I have ever met. Their marriage is the epitome of what I hope my marriage with my wife will look like one day.
Recently, we were told that Carol had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and that her condition had progressively worsened over the past few months. When we visited John and Carol, it was immediately apparent that things were not the same. Their house felt eerily sterile and cold, and Carol was not herself at all. All of our attempts to carry on a normal conversation with them proved futile. It was evident that John was having enormous difficulty accepting the reality of what had become of his wife and his marriage.
On the car ride home, my heart broke for John. I began wondering what it would be like if the love of my life suddenly forgot who I was. How on earth could I muster the strength to keep loving her? When I first started writing the song, my original intention was to capture the heart of a man struggling to love his wife. One problem was that I could not relate with John at all. Everything I wrote seemed disingenuous and contrived. I decided to scrap the concept altogether and write the song from Carol’s perspective. I realized that the story was very different when looked at through her eyes. A woman basically wakes up every morning and sees a stranger loving her in the most selfless way. The wedding picture on the living room table confirms that she might have loved this man once, but for now, she has no recollection of this love. And yet, though the woman cannot even remember this man’s name, she desperately wants him to stay with her.
I have to admit that I’ve never cried so much while writing a song. Perhaps it’s because the story of this couple reminds me so much of my relationship with God. As much as I would like to think that I’m John in the story, I know that I’m actually a lot more like Carol. I think all Christians, at some point in their walks, experience a form of spiritual Alzheimer’s. We forget what God looks like, what He’s done in our lives, and the price He paid for our sins. We shun Him and cheapen His grace to the point where He becomes a complete stranger. And yet, for those of us who have ever experienced the goodness of God’s love, there will always be a part of our being that pleads with Him to stay near to us even in our most rebellious state. Praise God that we have a Savior who is relentless in His pursuit of sinners like us.
The Man and His Wife
How do you put on my coat every morning
When I don’t know your name
You rake the leaves while I am sleeping
When I don’t know your nameI don’t know who you are but
Please don’t leave me alone here
‘Cause I’m coming undone
Oh, tell me you’ll stay
When I don’t even know your nameI know you tried to be quiet
But I heard you weeping for me
You wear a smile, act like it’s nothing
But I know there’s moreYou, I don’t know who you are but
There’s a picture
In the middle of the living room table in black and white
The scene looks familiar
but I just don’t remember this man and his wifeSo will you play your guitar
And sing me a love song
When I don’t know your name
When I don’t know your name
